Understanding the Ego

The ego is probably the hardest concept I have written about. It’s even the reason I stopped writing articles. I published my last article on August 31, 2023, and I stopped writing any other articles since then because I was struggling with this article to the degree that I felt like I was not “worthy” enough to try to teach others.

Artwork created by me called ‘’Dreaming’’.

What motivated me to finish this article?

It’s currently May 5, 2024 (more than half a year later, lol), and I’ve just finished the book ‘’A New Earth’’ by Eckhart Tolle. I didn’t know what this book was about before I bought it, and you can already guess it by now, but it’s 300 pages about the ego, haha. Not only that, but I’ve recently also seen this video by Mark Manson (author of The Art of Not Giving a Fuck), who gave me a pretty amazing insight. In his Q&A, he said, ‘’So what I do is, I take an already existing concept, and I teach it to a new audience.’’ And here I am, fully motivated to write this article. Heck, I even deleted the first version of this article without reading anything back. Why? Because the first version of this article wasn’t genuine. It was not written by me like my other articles were. I copied and pasted a bunch of information from others and didn’t even understand it myself, lol. But enough about me. Let’s talk about the ego.

What is the ego?

Well, first, let me get this out of the way: the ego has nothing to do with the term ‘’egotistical’’.

1. Ego: In psychology, especially in theories by Sigmund Freud, the ego is one of the three parts of the psyche, the others being the id and the superego. The ego represents the rational part of the mind that mediates between one’s own desires and the realistic ways to satisfy them. It’s essentially the self-aware aspect of a person’s personality. The term is also used more generally to refer to one’s sense of self-esteem or self-importance.
2. Egotistical: This term describes a behavior or attitude where someone has an excessively high opinion of themselves, often putting their own needs, desires, and opinions above those of others. Being egotistical is typically considered a negative trait, as it involves arrogance and an inflated sense of self-importance.

While both terms deal with the self, “ego” is a neutral term that describes a part of human psychological makeup, whereas “egotistical” is usually used in a negative sense to describe someone’s behavior as overly self-centered or arrogant.

I can already tell that you are like ‘’I don’t understand this at all’’. That was my reaction as well while writing the first concept of this article, lol, but It’s actually pretty simple. The ego is the ‘’rational mind’’, ‘’the thinking mind’’, ‘’the unconscious mind’’. The voice in your head that helps you perceive the world around you. Michael Singer, author of The Untethered Soul explains it with a great example: The ego is like a roommate in your head that talks with you about the things you experience in life. So it’s important to know that you are not your ego. You are the observer, and the ego is the thinking mind. And if your first response when reading this is, but if the ego is the voice in my head, then it’s part of me, right? Well, do you have control over those thoughts? I don’t think so ;)

Is the ego good or bad?

It depends. If we go back to the example of having a roommate in your head, then sometimes you can have great conversations with your roommate, but sometimes, it needs to keep its mouth shut, haha.

The difficult thing is that our ego keeps us identifying with our thoughts and emotions, which can lead to over-identifying with thoughts and emotions. The ego always wants to identify itself. To categorize and compare. It wants to understand and make sense of why things have happened to us. It wants to be part of something. This can, for example, lead to making assumptions, taking things personally, always wanting more, complaining, speaking badly about others, etc. Worst-case scenario, your ego can identify itself with negative thoughts, which can lead to negative emotions, in which your body can respond to those negative emotions, and you can become dangerous to those around you.

The ego is not good or bad, but you have to find the balance. You have to perceive life while becoming ‘’conscious’’ and ‘’aware’’ of you, the observer, and the ego (your roommate) speaking.

How to find balance

There is this beautiful story in the book A New Earth about a monk and his apprentice. They both walk outside and sit on a hill to eat. The apprentice asks his mentor ‘’Master, how do I become conscious?’’. The monk is silent for 5 minutes. He then points to the mountains far away and asks his apprentice ‘’Do you hear the wind blowing through the mountains?’’. The apprentice doesn’t hear anything at first, but when he starts to observe the mountains, he can hear the sound of the wind. ‘’Yes I hear it master’’, the monk responds ‘’That’s where you start’’.

You create balance by finding the space between yourself, the consciousness, and the ego, the unconsciousness. Eckhart calls this ‘’Space Consciousness’’. By being present, being in the now, you can create a balance between this consciousness of space and the outer clutter of thoughts. The space between our thoughts can be found in ordinary things — the sound of the rain, noticing the movement of clouds in the sky, or being kind to a stranger. But to be aware requires inner stillness. The advice here is to ‘Be still. Look. Listen. Be present.

Look at an object close by, such as a pen or cup. Look with curiosity, but don’t get caught in your thoughts about this object. Expand this by taking in objects around the room. Then, listen to sounds without labeling them as pleasant or irritating. Doing this exercise may make you aware of a sense of stillness in the background — a peaceful inner space. Use your breath to take your attention away from your thinking. Also, try to become aware of the spaciousness of your inner body.

Remember what I said in the beginning? I didn’t feel ‘’worthy enough’’ to teach others. Guess what? That was the ego speaking, haha. There are two takeaways I want you to get from reading this article. First is to become aware and understand the ego.

The second is this: At the end of the book A New Earth, Eckhart Tolle speaks about purpose. He states that we have two types of purposes. An inner and outer purpose. The outer purpose relates to one’s activities and roles in the external world. It includes pursuits like careers, family, hobbies, etc. The inner purpose is to do everything you do while being present. to become more conscious. If you do this, your outer purpose will become an expression and extension of that inner purpose. That’s what happened with this article. It was written while being fully present. So, if you feel a little lost when it comes down to your purpose, focus on your inner purpose, learn to become fully present in anything you do, and success will follow.